Sudden/Unexpected Passing

Donald Randolph Brown III was affectionately known as “Trey” by everyone who knew him.  Trey was our son and loving him was effortless.  We both loved him more than life itself.  Although he is no longer physically present, his memories persist, warming our hearts.

Around 10:30 on the night of June 30, 2023, this beautiful sixteen-year-old, who personified love, compassion, and respect throughout his entire existence, made the heartbreaking decision to end his life.  This, the most consequential decision of Trey’s brief life, was sudden and unexpected.

Whether it was his exceptional athleticism, remarkable intelligence, genteel demeanor, compassionate nature, or disarming smile, Trey was special in every way.  A natural question for anyone to ask is: why would a child blessed with so many gifts do such a thing? 

Those who truly knew Trey understood that God created him with a heart that gave him an immense capacity to give and receive love.  Unfortunately, this enormous heart also caused him to feel emotional pain with the same intensity.  It was this, a severe and sudden wave of unbearable anguish, that Trey sought to escape that night.

Shortly after Trey’s passing, we were made aware of a traumatic and emotionally painful incident he experienced less than 90 minutes before he died.  This ignited Trey’s agony.  Based on the route he traveled after the incident; we believe Trey was walking aimlessly trying to work through his hurt.  We also believe he was on his way home after purchasing a snack, and as he crossed the highway overpass, he made an impulsive decision to end his suffering.

This is the second time that Trey experienced this magnitude of pain.  About eighteen months prior, Trey’s first real relationship ended.  The night his relationship concluded; Trey made an internet search about suicide.  By the grace of God, Trey found the courage to share with us, nervously and reluctantly, what he was going through.  He wanted us to know the pain he felt at the time was too overwhelming to endure.

Trey’s life could have ended back then had he not forced himself to open to up us about his struggles.  Because of his bravery, we were able to wrap our arms around him and embrace him tightly until the pain subsided.  During that time, Trey availed himself of an array of resources specifically designed to help teens struggling with similar pain.

This time however we did not receive notice.  If we could have gotten to our son before he took that final step, we would have told him “Trey-Trey, we know this pain is unbearable and you feel like it will never end, but trust Mommy and Daddy when we tell you it will.  For now, reach out and hold onto us as tight as you can, and we will hold on to you even tighter, and we will experience every painful second together.”

To be candid, even though we understood Trey was extremely sensitive to emotional pain, we never truly grasped how it could ever be so excruciating that death seemed like the only solution.  We wondered if such a pain truly exists. As his last act on earth, Trey shared with us the answer.  Upon realizing our beloved son had departed this world forever, we came to understand, in a way that will never fade, such a pain does exist, and it is so unbearable, stepping off a ledge suddenly becomes deceptively alluring.

Sharing intimate details about the two most difficult periods of our deceased son’s life, while we enter the most difficult season of our life, is unpleasant at best.  However, we are doing so because we are confident Trey would want his story to be shared in the hopes it may help someone else who can identify with his journey.

A Blessed Life

We find comfort in knowing that Trey took advantage of each day.  He did not harbor a persistent desire to end his life. In his brief time here on earth, he lived, loved, and laughed.  With the exception of normal teenage angst, Trey was happy.  We received a beautiful note from one of his teachers who we felt described Trey perfectly.  He described him as “Zen”.  That is who he was.  That is how he would want to be remembered.

Trey’s mental health challenges were not chronic.  They were instead situational and triggered by specific events that he found to be exceptionally emotionally painful.  We are thankful only two events in his life met that threshold of pain.  Unfortunately, the second took his life.

Relationships came easy for Trey.  He enjoyed being around people and people enjoyed being around him.  He was blessed with a group of positive and encouraging friends, from both his new and his former high schools.  Trey was somewhat of a social butterfly, seamlessly flitting between diverse friend groups, each of which brought him joy.

His admission into Harvard-Westlake, one of the nation’s most esteemed prep schools was a profound source of pride for him and a place he genuinely loved.  He made friends quickly and was welcomed with open arms.  About a month after school began, Trey told us that one of his new classmates said, “Wow Trey, kids usually have to be here for couple of years before they have as many friends as you do.”

Trey was exceptionally intelligent.  He earned a 4.5 GPA his freshman year at West Ranch High School and was also a dedicated athlete, playing for the school’s basketball and volleyball teams.  After his freshman year Trey decided to transfer to a more challenging academic institution.  Trey applied to a few very selective schools and every one of them offered him a spot.  He selected Harvard-Westlake.  

Trey loved sports and excelled at all of them.  But he always remained humble.  Growing up he played baseball, football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and track.  His first love was football, but we were uncomfortable allowing him to play tackle.  Even though he focused on basketball in middle school and continued through his freshman year, he fell in love with volleyball after playing for the first-time just last spring.  In his very first volleyball tournament Trey won All Tournament honors. 

This past fall he earned a spot on the Harvard Westlake varsity volleyball team as a sophomore and his dedication to the sport led him to secure a spot as the starting middle blocker – a rare distinction for a sophomore. 

A week before he passed, Trey completed his second truncated club volleyball season with SC Legends.  We are thankful for the way all the coaches of that organization encouraged and uplifted Trey.  He was excited to go to practices.  As his season closed, he was a better player and he felt valued.  This was a fitting ending to his volleyball career.